Here’s one of my new favorite ways to enjoy a laugh: Damn You Auto Correct! If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s worth a little browsing time. My sweetie sends me a collection of them each week so I can have a laugh when I take a break from writing. I’m spoiled that way.
This week I’m working on a proposal for one of the stories I drafted last year. Which means I’m writing the dreaded (at least for me) synopsis. So today I wanted to share something light and fun.
Humor is one of life’s greatest joys, after all. Here’s an oldie but a goodie…
FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND …
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Clifton
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Clifton, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: He made a trail from a jar of brown gravy on the floor leading to the both the ladies and men’s restrooms.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
And last, but not least:
October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.
Okay, back to the synopsis and edits. Hope you have a great week!
Hope everyone is having a great weekend. I’m back online and very happy about it. Our cable modem died yesterday, so I wasn’t off-line for long, but it was still an annoyance. It’s amazing to me how much I use the damn internet in one day. From the dictionary to email to random questions where I want an immediate answer. I think maybe I’ll take a week off-line someday and see how long I can actually make it.
In more interesting news, I’ve got a few links to share.
“LeAnn Rimes joined the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles to pay tribute to LGBT youth everywhere, honoring the memory of those who have taken their lives in desperation, those who struggle with anti-gay bullying and discrimination – and reminding everyone that It Gets Better!” (Source: YouTube)
Share Your Wisdom, Inspiration & Experience With Other Writers
Rainbow Romance Writers (RRW), a chapter of Romance Writers of America, is looking for volunteers to submit brief quotes about writing to be featured in our newsletter, the Pot of Gold.
The newsletter is published quarterly for members of RRW, writers of LGBT romances at various stages of their writing careers (new writers working on their first story to multi-published authors, as well as a few publishers and editors).
If anyone is interested in submitting an original quote, we’d love for you to share your wisdom, experience, inspiration, humor, etc. about writing. Quotes will be selected based on their relevance to the current newsletter’s theme (New Year/New Beginnings). Topics could include motivation, setting goals, starting a new project, trying something new, or others. General quotes about writing and why you write are also welcome. Quotes submitted before January 17, 2011 will be considered for the upcoming edition and some may be saved for future editions.
Please use this form to submit a quote: http://bit.ly/gzZOFE
Feel free to pass along the link to anyone who may be interested.