My entire family was sitting around the dinner table after my mom and dad had returned from a weekend trip (during which I had stopped over to feed their cat).
Me: So, Dad, what was that lumpy plastic bag downstairs by the cat’s food?
Dad: All the poop I saved.
Me: (almost chokes on a mouthful of dinner roll) What?
Dad: That cat puts out more than she takes in, so I did an experiment.
Me: What do you mean, experiment?
Dad: I bought a new bag of cat food and when it was all gone, I weighed all her poop to compare.
Me: Say what?
Dad: I weighed the poop and compared it to the weight of the cat food. 2 lbs of cat food. 3 lbs of poop. Something is wrong with that cat.
Me: Did you weigh just the poop?
Dad: What do you mean? I scooped it out and kept it in the bag.
Me: Did you weigh her urine?
Dad: Well, I guess. But that can’t weigh that much.
My sister: I think it does.
Dad: Nah. Probably not that much.
Me: You use scoopable litter. That clumps around the urine and weighs a lot.
Dad: I don’t think so. And I factored in the weight of the litter on the poop.
Me: How did you do that?
My sis: He counted the kernels on each turd.
All I kept thinking with each bite of my food was I cannot believe we are having this conversation.
He’s going to redo the experiment without the urine and report back.