The Case of the Mysterious Bag in my Parents’ Basement

Yep, my Dad’s at it again. You won’t believe this one.

My entire family was sitting around the dinner table after my mom and dad had returned from a weekend trip (during which I had stopped over to feed their cat).

Me: So, Dad, what was that lumpy plastic bag downstairs by the cat’s food?

Dad: All the poop I saved.

Me: (almost chokes on a mouthful of dinner roll) What?

Dad: That cat puts out more than she takes in, so I did an experiment.

Me: What do you mean, experiment?

Dad: I bought a new bag of cat food and when it was all gone, I weighed all her poop to compare.

Me: Say what?

Dad: I weighed the poop and compared it to the weight of the cat food. 2 lbs of cat food. 3 lbs of poop. Something is wrong with that cat.

Me: Did you weigh just the poop?

Dad: What do you mean? I scooped it out and kept it in the bag.

Me: Did you weigh her urine?

Dad: Well, I guess. But that can’t weigh that much.

My sister: I think it does.

Dad: Nah. Probably not that much.

Me: You use scoopable litter. That clumps around the urine and weighs a lot.

Dad: I don’t think so. And I factored in the weight of the litter on the poop.

Me: How did you do that?

My sis: He counted the kernels on each turd.

All I kept thinking with each bite of my food was I cannot believe we are having this conversation.

He’s going to redo the experiment without the urine and report back.

12 thoughts on “The Case of the Mysterious Bag in my Parents’ Basement

  1. well, thank god he is re-doing his experiment…

    haha!! Dude! You made me laugh so hard. Your dad sounds so fun!

    • Chris: Oh yeah, I’ll post again when he gives the results on the next weight test. I feel bad though. This poor cat had to eat next to a bag of her poop. Maybe he’ll save it somewhere else next time. LOL

  2. Oh, yes! Now I know I am not alone in having a family offering truly exceptional dinner conversation and doing strange little experiments. We really should get together sometime and compare notes.


    • Donna: That would be a riot. I’ve got more stories. :) So glad to know it’s not just my family. Have fun at your next family dinner!

    • Raelyn: Oh yeah. Gotta love family. I think retirement has left him with way too much time to think up stuff like this. I’ll report back after he repeats his experiment. That’s if he admits to it. I don’t think he understood why my sis and I were dying laughing at him.

  3. The retirement giving him too much time on his hands is probably true – my dad retired from IBM at age 51 after 30 years and has been at least as busy in the intervening years (he’s 66 now) doing consulting. I can’t imagine what he’d get up to without the consulting and his genealogy research…

    • Chris: Glad your dad had the consulting and genealogy research to keep him busy and out of trouble. LOL. I should see if I can get my dad interested in genealogy. He’s always cracking jokes about our family’s disreputable past. He could see if his more humorous guesses were accurate.

    • Hi Ava. Glad you liked my dad’s latest misadventure. This is one of my favorite ones. Probably because he was so serious when he was explaining about the poop and the litter. My sister and I were dying laughing and he’s looking at us like we’re the ones who are nuts.

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