(c) Sloan Parker 2013
I recently bought this new-to-me brand of furniture polish. When it came in the mail, my honey read the back label, just shook her head, and said, “Of course you’d buy this kind.”
Me: “Why?”
She handed me the tin and said, “Read the very bottom.”
I looked at the label and saw their tagline: “Love Your Wood.”
Her: “And the instructions…”
“rub onto wood in a circular motion and rejoice”
Me: “Yeah, you can’t forget the rejoicing. That’s the best part of rubbing your wood.”
(c) Sloan Parker, 2010
Recently I spent a weekend at a house on a lake with my local writing group. We alternated between writing and helping each other brainstorm story ideas. Here’s some of what was overheard during the weekend:
And perhaps my fave…
And of course that led us to…
I love this group of writers! There aren’t words to express how reaffirming and energizing it is to hang with other people who get the drive to spend hours and hours creating characters and stories from nothing but your imagination.
“Not only did I manage to accidentally meet the man I’m investigating, I managed to accidentally have sex with him. I’m either the luckiest man alive or the unluckiest. The verdict is still out as to which. —from the journal of Payton Marcus Townsend”
—J. L. Langley, The Englor Affair
(c) istockphoto, Adriana3d 2011
Non-techie Dad called again for help with his Kindle. If you recall, I’ve mentioned his issues before. This time he hadn’t even started downloading the book yet. Guess he wanted to be on the phone with me IN CASE he had issues. Which he did. Here’s how it went…
He says he’s all ready to download the book…
Me: “When the next box pops up, go ahead and click Save.”
Dad: “Okay, I clicked to download it. Do I click Save?”
Me: “Yes, click Save.”
Dad: “Okay. I think I’ve got it. Let me put it on my Kindle and I’ll call you back.”
Ring.
Dad: “I can’t find the book on my computer.”
Me: “Where did you save it when you clicked Save?”
Dad: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Okay, let’s do a search.” I told him the steps to perform a search for all the kindle files on his laptop (he hasn’t read that many so it shouldn’t be too hard to find the new one). Once he had the search window up, I told him what to type. He had to key in 5 characters.
Dad: “Hold on, I have to use both hands.” I heard him set the phone down and press the five keys with a long pause between each one. He picked up the phone again. “It’s searching.”
Me: “What did it find?”
Dad: “Just the books I’ve already read.” He proceeded to read me everything he could see about the files. The names, the dates saved, even the file sizes. “172 KB, whatever that means.”
Me: “But not the book you want to read?”
Dad: “No.”
Turns out he had selected the Adobe file, not the Kindle option that takes you through Amazon to borrow a book. So he had to do it all over again.
When he was ready to download the correct file…
Me: “When the dialog box comes up, click Save.”
Dad: “Okay.” Long pause. “I clicked to download it. Okay, a box comes up, do I click Save or Find?”
In my head: Save, save, for the love of God, click SAVE.
He cracks me up!!
(c) istockphoto.com
“If you go home with somebody, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ’em!” ― John Waters