Never Laugh at a Cheesy Catalog until You’ve Seen Every Last Item

Lately I’ve gotten a huge influx of mail-order catalogs. The kind with bizarre items you can’t believe someone thought up, let alone had made into an actual product.

Rosie has this silly and adorable habit of paging through those catalogs and giggling as she finds gem after gem.

Like this…it’s called the Butt Putt.

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Can you believe that name? And to top that off, it farts when you sink the ball in the hole.

So, there’s my sweetie sitting on the couch, turning pages, laughing, and showing me item after item while I was trying to read my email. Good thing I find her laugh infectious and her 12-year-old-boy humor cute.

Then she stopped laughing and said, “Oh, that’s kinda cool.”

I was scared.

Seriously scared.

I didn’t want to end up with some sort of farting alarm clock.

Then she showed me this…

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And she was right, it was kinda cool. Of all the things I’ve looked at to hold my Kindle while I read in bed, I think this one looks like it might be both useful and comfy.

Anyone have anything like this? Or something similar you can recommend? I’m not sure I can bring myself to order from the catalog with the Butt Putt.

Ah, maybe I will.


The Case of the Mysterious Bag in my Parents’ Basement

Yep, my Dad’s at it again. You won’t believe this one.

My entire family was sitting around the dinner table after my mom and dad had returned from a weekend trip (during which I had stopped over to feed their cat).

Me: So, Dad, what was that lumpy plastic bag downstairs by the cat’s food?

Dad: All the poop I saved.

Me: (almost chokes on a mouthful of dinner roll) What?

Dad: That cat puts out more than she takes in, so I did an experiment.

Me: What do you mean, experiment?

Dad: I bought a new bag of cat food and when it was all gone, I weighed all her poop to compare.

Me: Say what?

Dad: I weighed the poop and compared it to the weight of the cat food. 2 lbs of cat food. 3 lbs of poop. Something is wrong with that cat.

Me: Did you weigh just the poop?

Dad: What do you mean? I scooped it out and kept it in the bag.

Me: Did you weigh her urine?

Dad: Well, I guess. But that can’t weigh that much.

My sister: I think it does.

Dad: Nah. Probably not that much.

Me: You use scoopable litter. That clumps around the urine and weighs a lot.

Dad: I don’t think so. And I factored in the weight of the litter on the poop.

Me: How did you do that?

My sis: He counted the kernels on each turd.

All I kept thinking with each bite of my food was I cannot believe we are having this conversation.

He’s going to redo the experiment without the urine and report back.