My entire family was sitting around the dinner table after my mom and dad had returned from a weekend trip (during which I had stopped over to feed their cat).

Me: So, Dad, what was that lumpy plastic bag downstairs by the cat’s food?

Dad: All the poop I saved.

Me: (almost chokes on a mouthful of dinner roll) What?

Dad: That cat puts out more than she takes in, so I did an experiment.

Me: What do you mean, experiment?

Dad: I bought a new bag of cat food and when it was all gone, I weighed all her poop to compare.

Me: Say what?

Dad: I weighed the poop and compared it to the weight of the cat food. 2 lbs of cat food. 3 lbs of poop. Something is wrong with that cat.

Me: Did you weigh just the poop?

Dad: What do you mean? I scooped it out and kept it in the bag.

Me: Did you weigh her urine?

Dad: Well, I guess. But that can’t weigh that much.

My sister: I think it does.

Dad: Nah. Probably not that much.

Me: You use scoopable litter. That clumps around the urine and weighs a lot.

Dad: I don’t think so. And I factored in the weight of the litter on the poop.

Me: How did you do that?

My sis: He counted the kernels on each turd.

All I kept thinking with each bite of my food was I cannot believe we are having this conversation.

He’s going to redo the experiment without the urine and report back.